Hot Potato, Anyone?

Every congregation has issues about which people disagree. In some congregations, these issues are discussed and worked through. In others, however, the congregation hasn’t yet developed the skills to tackle these issues, and so the issues sit there unresolved, or, worse, grow larger and spread like mildew on your shower curtain.

Several years ago, a congregation in our district created a way to work on these prickly issues. The congregation is All Souls Unitarian Universalist Church in Kansas City, MO. You can read their story by going to www.uua.org and doing a search on Breakthrough Congregations 2007. What All Souls did was to announce in their newsletter that they were sponsoring a series of “Hot Potato Conversations” on difficult topics. There were rules — we will have a facilitator; there will be time limits for speakers; everyone agrees to listen respectfully; we’re not making any decisions today - we’re hearing peoples’ various opinions; and so on. And they served baked potatoes with all the trimmings for lunch!

Now another congregation in our district is starting the process. Their newsletter announcement is so clever that I thought I’d share it with you. But please know this — the reason I’m proud of them isn’t for the cleverness of their announcement but because of their commitment to working through their concerns — and listening to each other with respect and kindness.

Here’s the announcement: “Calling all UUs for the first ‘Hot Potato’ luncheon and discussion on Sunday [date] at 11:30 a.m. Baked potatoes will be served. Bring a topping to share. We will have a conversation on an issues on which there is disagreement. [Name of respected church leader] will be the ‘Common Tater.’

“Look for Mrs. Potato Head in the coffee hour and place a topic suggestion in the Easy Bake Oven. Please make a reservation by calling [church president]. It’s a very a-peeling idea. Don’t let this spudder out.”  

Good for this congregation for seeking out new, healthy ways to work through the difficult conversations! Moving from a habit of ignoring or fighting about issues to exploring a new method for discussing them is to be celebrated.

Why This Ministry Matters

I spoke on Sunday at the ordination of a new minister. Lyn will focus her ministry on small congregations. She sees her work as consulting ministry with small, mostly lay led fellowships and churches in our district, rather than to a specific congregation. In her internship, and in the work she’s done as a district consultant in the last few years, Lyn has encouraged small congregations’ lay leaders to focus on mission, vision, and planning.

After the service, two ministers who were there suggested that I post my remarks on “Why This Ministry Matters” on my blog. Here they are, excerpted.

We have many small congregations in our District and across the country. Some of them have part time Consulting Ministry, but many are too small to afford it, or too isolated geographically to be able to attract professional ministry. Some, because of their history or the preference of their members, are not interested in having a minister. These small congregations wax or wane from year to year, depending on the energy and vision of their current lay leadership. Almost all of them struggle. They struggle to provide programming that attracts or keeps newcomers.  They struggle with too few volunteers and not enough money. If they own a building, they struggle to maintain it; if they rent, they are challenged by not having space that’s adequate or, perhaps, by having to find a new space every few years. The people are dedicated Unitarian Universalists, committed to having a liberal religious presence in their communities. But with the need to focus on month-to-month and year-to-year survival, there can be little time to focus on the larger questions.

Unitarian Universalist minister and Alban Institute consultant Dan Hotchkiss recently wrote an article entitled, “Who Owns the Church?” In the article, Dan contends that the mission of the church owns the church — that leaders and congregants ought to feel accountable to the mission.

 

If congregations believed that the mission owns the church, defining that mission would be essential. It would be critical for them to ask, “If we were truly living out our mission, what would that look like? What programs would we offer? What social justice activities would we be engaged in? What would we need to offer to families with children? To teenagers? To our aging members?” These mission-based questions often go unasked, are not even thought of, in the struggle just to maintain. And so some congregations are content to go on, month after month, doing pretty much the same thing, year after year. Unless some crisis occurs, or some large issue that requires a lot of attention, the congregation marches in place, trying not to lose ground, but not moving forward in any significant way. Lyn sees the possibility for something more.

If our small congregations get clear about mission and vision, and if they agree to move forward with new ideas, they can be stronger presences in their communities. They can be strong and valuable influences in their towns and cities. They can make a difference in the world. That’s why this ministry matters.

 

This is the ministry Lyn feels called to do. This is a ministry that is needed by our District, by our Association, because so many of our congregations are small ones. We need Lyn, and we need many more Lyn’s, who see the value in our small congregations and in serving them.

 

 

 

 

 

Meeting the need for intimacy in a growing congregation

Research tells us that if newcomers to a church don’t make some significant friendships in the church within a few months, they’ll leave the church.  Wise leaders in growing congregations provide many opportunities for people — newcomers and longer time members — to get to know each other and begin to form friendships. Here are examples from two growing congregations in Prairie Star District.

Shawnee Mission UU Church in Overland Park, KS [335 adult members and growing!] has many groups that are open to all - visitors, members, and friends. Some examples are the Thirtysomethings Potluck group, the Tuesday Book Group, the Ulysseans [active seniors], the Thursday Book Group, the Halftimers [adults 40ish to 60ish], the Math and Science Group, the Quilters, the Men’s Group, the Playgroup, and so on. Invitations to participate are listed in the monthly newsletter and the weekly Order of Service. It gives the impression that there’s a group for everyone — or there could be. The President of the congregation told me recently, “We want to be the kind of church where if someone comes to us with an idea, we will ask just two questions: ‘Does it fit with the mission of the church?’ and ‘Does it bust the budget?’ If the answer to the first question is ‘yes’ and the answer to the second question is ‘no,’ we’ll say ‘go for it!’”

When I spoke with an active member of SMUUChurch yesterday, she mentioned a recent Women’s Health and Wellness Retreat. Held on a Saturday, it featured yoga, a talk on the healing aspects of music, nutritious food, other programming, and plenty of opportunities for women to chat and get to know each other. “How did this come about?” I asked. “Oh, two women had an idea, and it just went from there.” And more than forty women of all ages came together for the day!

Here’s another example. I recently attended the Building Dedication for the UU Fellowship of LaCrosse, Wisconsin. [See photos in the sidebar.] During the reception afterwards, I spoke with the woman who’s in charge of the Covenant Groups** in this layled congregation of 93 adult members [and growing!]. She told me they have recently started a Covenant Group for people in Tomah, WI.

“Tomah?!? But that’s fifty miles away,” I said.

Yes, they have people who drive an hour to get to church on Sunday mornings. The congregation wanted the people in Tomah to have a way of bonding with one another at times other than Sundays, so they started the group for Tomah residents. And they’re thinking of starting another for people who live in Sparta, which is between LaCrosse and Tomah. In this way they’re meeting the needs for intimacy and connection for those folks who live too far away to come to LaCrosse for evening meetings during the week.

These forward-looking congregations know that people are coming to us looking for connection with people with similar values, for enrichment of their spiritual lives, and for ways to make a positive contribution in  the world. Providing these groups is a way of giving them what they’re seeking, and it can make all the difference!

**If you want to know more about Covenant Groups [sometimes called Connection Circles or Small Group Ministry], go to www.smallgroupministry.net 

All Too Common and Totally Preventable

The headline was in today’s newspaper: Church Treasurer Charged in Theft: volunteer accused of pilfering $18,000. The story went on to tell of the story of a St. Paul man who’s been accused of stealing nearly $18,000 from the weekly collections of a Christian church. Imagine the distress of the church leaders – the betrayal of trust – the difficulty the church will have now that the money is gone. And the question they all must be asking themselves is “How could this happen!?!?”

Well, of course, we can guess how it happened. One person was put in charge of counting the money in the Sunday collection plate, and of taking the money to the bank, and of depositing the money, and of writing checks from the church’s account, and of signing those checks.  How many red flags do you see in that sentence?? The newspaper report says that over several months, the treasurer wrote a number of checks payable to “cash” and cashed them himself. Since the treasurer would have been the person receiving the bank statements, there was no one to sound the alarm. Again, red flags!

A congregation needs to be able to trust the people it empowers to act on its behalf. Safeguards need to be put into place so that temptation is minimized. Safeguards not only protect the assets; they also protect the volunteers from false accusations of misdeeds.

The Sunday offering should be counted by two people who are not related to one another. One of them could prepare the deposit slip, and the other could take the money to the bank if this is not a staff responsibility. If the church has staff doing financial work, the staff can check the deposit slip against what’s actually in the envelope handed over from the volunteers. The volunteers counting the money and taking the money to the bank should be someone other than the treasurer. The treasurer can check copies of the deposit slips against the deposit receipts and against the bank statement which comes back at the end of the month. Multiple checks and balances will go a long way to ensuring security for the assets.

If your congregation has someone who knows about good accounting and money handling practices, ask that person to go over your practices and give you advice on improving them.  www.amazon.com  lists several books available to assist congregations with accounting systems and cash control. One that I particularly like is Richard J. Vargo’s book Effective Church Accounting [now out of print]. Vargo lists 50 internal controls for churches.

The bottom line is this — leaders need to ensure that congregation members can trust that the money they give to the church will be used wisely, and that includes setting up safety policies and practices for handling it. Without those assurances, why should they give?

A Story from the Past

Over the weekend, I attended services at First Unitarian Church of Des Moines, IA. It was quite a weekend! They were celebrating their 130th anniversary year, they were dedicating their newly renovated building, and they were asking members for financial gifts to continue the unfinished work from the project. Spirits were high, and the enthusiasm wasn’t dampened by the icy roads outside.

As part of the anniversary celebration, the service included the telling of some short vignettes from their history. This is, after all, a congregation that once had as its minister the Reverend Mary Augusta Safford, one of the Iowa Sisterhood!

The story that I loved, however, was the story that involved buttons. Yes, buttons! Here’s how it goes. After World War I, the Unity Circle [a women's group that included but was not limited to members of the church] received notice that several thousand wool coats were in storage near Des Moines, new coats left over from the Army. The ladies were told that they could have the coats to be distributed to needy people. But there was one catch — all of the buttons on the coats — the buttons with the Army insignia — would have to be removed. What to do!?! Well, the ladies got busy. Through the newspaper, they let people in the area know about the project. Soon, packages of buttons were arriving from all over, some from as far away as Alabama. And soon, ladies from around Central Iowa arrived to start stripping buttons off and sewing new buttons on. In the end, more than 7,000 wool coats were shipped to Europe to meet the needs of people suffering from the cold. What a wonderful thing!

Are there interesting stories in your congregation’s past? Is someone recording them? Let’s give our future UUs something to marvel over, shall we?

Chalice Lighters Announces a New Fund

We’ve got a nifty program here in our District that has been assisting congregations with their growth-related projects for more than 20 years. It’s called Chalice Lighters. Here’s how it works: individual Unitarian Universalists sign up to be Chalice Lighters. They promise to respond to three calls a year, with a check for between $10 and $25 each time, to support a worthy project in a local congregation. Some projects are large  and receive a “full call” of $6,000 - $8,000 — first professional staff member such as a minister or a religious educator, or purchasing or renovating a building, or starting a new congregation. Some projects are small and receive a smaller grant of $1,000 - 2,000 — examples include a small sound system, a keyboard for better music, starting a campus ministry group or young adult group. This program, conceived by Rev. Alan Egly in the early 1980s, has given out more than $400,000 over the years. Those small checks really add up!

We’ve just started a new fund for a new purpose: a Social Justice Fund. This fund will make grants of up to $1,000 to congregations for use in integrating social justice work into the active life of their congregation. The intention of these grants is to build community awareness of UU values in action. Recipient congregations are expected to fund a portion of program costs. Examples of programs that could be funded include things such as: workshops on self-sufficiency and welfare rights; nutritional weekend food supply for elementary school students; UU Social Justice Empowerment workshops; micro loans; Green Sanctuary/Earth Ministry projects. In each case, the congregation needs to be able to tell how they will publicize the project in their community when they apply for the grant.

Obviously, the more Chalice Lighters we have, the more money we can give to congregations for their growth-related projects. The “full calls” could be bigger, and we could fund more of the smaller grants, too. If you’re not already a Prairie Star District Chalice Lighter, consider signing up today. You can find more information at www.psduua.org/ChaliceLighters/ChaliceLighters 

Is It True? Is It Kind? Will It Help?

The Prairie Star District Board met last weekend at the UU Church of Minnetonka in Wayzata MN, a western suburb of Minneapolis. Mounted above the office door of the Minister, Kent Hemmen Saleska, was a sign that read: “Is it true? Is it kind? Will it help?” Great questions, as far as I’m concerned.

Recently I’ve been consulting with leaders of several congregations about the conflict the congregations are experiencing. After listening to stories of the way people interact, I thought, “Wouldn’t it be helpful if people asked themselves those three questions before they opened their mouths?” Is it true? Is it kind? Will it help?

Is it true? Well, it may be true as far as you are concerned, but are you sure others would agree? There are certainly different opinions about “the truth.” Is it true that “the minister sure doesn’t care about us old ones because he spends all his time working on that new Celebration service” ? ***   I think it takes a leap in logic to make that assumption. Don’t be so sure you know the truth — or at least, the whole truth — until you’ve talked this out with the person from whom you’re feeling estranged.

Next scenario: Well, yes, it’s true — but is it kind? Just because something is true doesn’t mean that talking about it is kind. It may be true that the religious education director’s teenaged son came to church in dirty jeans and raggedy sneakers, but is it kind to mention it? What is your point?

Next scenario: Well, no, I know it’s not kind, but I feel like saying it anyway [Read: "I'm feeling snarky!"]  Then ask yourself, will it help? Will it help, or will it make the situation worse? Will it help to bring you closer to the person you’re feeling cranky about? Or if you’re tempted to mention it to a third person, is it really an attempt to enlist another person onto your side? Is it triangulation? At a deeper level, how will this comment help us to get beyond our discomfort and start the road to mending our relationship? And if it won’t, why am I tempted to say it? Is there something else I could say, or should I, perhaps, just hold my tongue? And look for a better way to address my concerns, when I’m ready to approach the person, in an attitude of humility and forgiveness, seeking understanding and reconciliation.

Is it true? Is it kind? Will it help? Three excellent questions that I’m going to try to keep in mind, as I go about my life and my work, in the days and weeks ahead.

***[from the "Anxious Congregation" DVD, Healthy Congregations workshop, by Peter Steinke]

Here If You Need Me

I’ve just finished a wonderful memoir by a Unitarian Universalist minister, Kate Braestrup. Its title is Here If You Need Me. Kate is a Community Minister who works as the first-ever Chaplain with the Maine Warden Service. She is called out to companion family members when someone goes missing in the woods, or to accompany the authorities when they go to notify family members of the death of a loved one.

Kate was the wife of a state trooper, mother of four, and a writer when her husband Drew was killed in a traffic accident. Drew’s dream had been to become a Unitarian Universalist minister. Over time, Kate decided to go to seminary. Her story about being perceived as The Plucky Widow says lots about the way we tend to make assumptions about peoples’ lives.

Kate’s theology and her views about death are insightful and thought-provoking. Her stories about family life make it all very real.

I hope you’ll read this fine book by one of our own. It’s well worth your time.

Getting Ready for the Coming Wave

In this week’s mail, I received a flyer from the Minnesota Department of Human Services, advertising a series of meetings to discuss Transform 2010.  Transform 2010 is a “statewide initiative that works to transform policies, infrastructures and services to prepare Minnesota for the coming age wave, which begins in just a few years when the first baby boomers turn 65.” Almost 20 state agencies are participating in this initiative. “Minnesota is about to experience a permanent shift in the age of its population,” said an assistant commissioner in the DHS. “We have always aged as individuals, but now, for the first time in history, we will age as a society and the effects will be profound.” The state agencies are hosting meetings  to discuss this topic all around the state this summer and fall.

That makes me wonder what the effects on our churches and fellowships will be as this phenomenon unfolds. Here are some questions to consider:

* What programming should we be providing now as this large segment of our population moves toward their retirement years? What programming will be needed later? Could Small Group Ministry provide one opportunity for people as they age? Is this the time to explore SGM in your congregation?

* What other peer groups could we be encouraging or forming? One of our congregations has a group of retired men called the Aging Bulls, who meet together monthly. Besides participating in this social network, they recently helped raise money for new playground equipment for their church. Does your congregation have groups for older men or women? Should we be forming interest groups now, instead of waiting until later?

* Soon we will have a cadre of members who may have more time to offer to the congregation and to the community. How can we best put their skills and talents to use? Can we organize new possibilities for travel to do social justice work, as just one example?

* What are the financial implications for our congregations when a large number of members move from their working years into a future of living on fixed income? Should we be planning ahead for this?

* What will be required of our ministers and our pastoral care committees? Do we, or should we, offer support systems for caregivers? Will our buildings be accessible when more and more of our members have limited mobility?

Mary Pipher, UU author, in her book Another Country: Navigating the Emotional Terrain of our Elders,  wrote about two stages of later life. She referred to the first stage as a time when people have good health and energy for a full life and are able to travel. Later, because of increasing age or perhaps as a result of declining health, people may no longer be able to care for themselves without assistance. As I’ve watched my own parents and my husband’s parents make the transition between the two stages, I can’t help but wonder what the future holds for us and for our children. Multiply that by millions of other people, and you’ll begin to understand why I think our congregations and their leaders need to start thinking and planning now.

For more information about Transform 2010, go to www.dhs.mn.us/2010 

Congregational Leadership in Anxious Times

Peter Steinke’s new book,  Congregational Leadership in Anxious Times: Being Calm and Courageous No Matter What, is full of wisdom and insight. You may remember that Rev. Dr. Peter Steinke studied with Rabbi Edwin Friedman, who applied emotional systems theory to congregational life.  Since then he’s written several books and worked with more than 150 congregations. Peter’s books are published by the Alban Institute and available at www.uua.org/bookstore 

Peter writes, “The leader is always in a position to influence the emotional field. The leader’s positive influence is most dramatic at times of crisis, bewilderment, stagnancy, and new situations.”

Peter says when a congregation is in crisis, the leader needs to bring calm to the system. When members are bewildered and don’t know which way to turn or what to think, the leader can bring focus. When the church community is stagnating, the leader must challenge the congregation. And when a new situation emerges, the leader needs to help the congregation respond [respond, but not be reactive] and move through change.

 Leaders can accomplish this because while they are within the congregation’s emotional system, they can also stand apart from it to observe it. Ronald Heifetz, in his book Leadership without Easy Answers, called this “getting on the balcony.” From the perspective of the balcony, a leader can assess the congregation — the forces from outside and from within — and make decisions about how he/she can influence the action. From the balcony, a leader can decide whether the congregation needs to be challenged or if the congregation has had lots to deal with lately and just needs a chance to settle down for a while, celebrate its successes or lick its wounds before setting out on another path toward its stated vision.

Peter divides his book into three sections — the leader’s presence, the leader’s functioning, and the leader’s challenges. Reading this book will help the leader to have a deeper understanding of her/his own place in the system. I highly recommend it.